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Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 12:20 am Hmmmm, no Twiztid, but something better!
Please don't leave me here : excited
Why must I die? Why must I die for you? : Inuyasha
Ok, after long and hard thoughtful consideration, Phil and I have decided that we're not going to the Twiztid concert this year, we're putting the money towards a weekend getaway in Baltimore, Maryland. I already booked our room, here's some pix of it, the Tudor Room:

http://www.gramercymansion.com/images/ATudor.jpg

http://www.gramercymansion.com/images/Tudor-fireplace2.JPG

http://www.gramercymansion.com/images/Tudor_bathroom.JPG

It costs $275 a night, we'll be leaving here after school on Friday, March 17th, 2006 and coming home on Sunday, March 19th. I'm so excited!!! ^.^

-Spyke-

P.S. I'll still post pictures of my outfit though!
Gather all your roses, while you may
Bloody Touch
Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 05:03 pm I'm going to see Twiztid!!! ^.^
Please don't leave me here : excited
Why must I die? Why must I die for you? : "Darkness" - Twiztid
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! I'M GOING TO GET SEE TWIZTID LIVE IN CONCERT ON AUGUST 23RD!!! XxXscreams in excitementXxX It's a fucking dream come true!!! I can't wait!!! I get to go to the concert, then spend the night in Philly with my Phil!!! ^.^

I'm going to wear my short, lowcut, form fitting, black dress with blue skull and crossbones all over it. I custom ordered some 4'x 4' black and blue butterfly wings to go with it. I need to get blue hair dye and blue and black striped stockings then i'm good to go. ^.^ I'll post pictures after the concert!!!

-Spyke-
Gather all your roses, while you may
the dark carnival is where I'll go, when I die
Jul. 6th, 2005 @ 11:58 pm Survey about me
Please don't leave me here : artistic
Why must I die? Why must I die for you? : Inuyasha
--FIRSTS--
First best friend: Joyce Bendy, kindergarten, still good friends 12 years later
First car: either a Dodge Spirit or a Jimmy
First date: I don't remember, too long ago...first official, dress up nice, go to dinner & movie date was May 13th 2005
First real kiss: about 3-4 years ago
First screen name: Smiley2000xx
First self purchased CD: Marilyn Manson - Holywood
First pets: hampsters
First piercing/tattoo: ear lobes for my 1st birthday
First musician you remember hearing in your house: either Metallica or AC/DC

--LASTS--
Last cigarette: I believe it was 2 years ago
Last car ride: 2.5 hours ago when Phil took me to WaWa
Last kiss: 2.5 hours ago when Phil kisses me goodbye
Last good cry: pretty recently
Last library book checked out: "the Notebook"
Last movie seen: Kill Bill vol. 1
Last beverage drank: WaWa brand strawberry milk
Last food consumed: meatloaf, cheddar mashed potatoes, mixed vegs.
Last phone call: from Phil...ending in a fight because i didn't feel like talking
Last time showered: last night
Last shoes worn: Phil's Vans
Last cd played: "Riddle Box" - ICP
Last item bought: Inspiron 1200 Notebook from Dell4Me.com
Last annoyance: Phil getting upset because i dont feel like talking on the phone all night long when i have other stuff to do
Last disappointment: there's so many, it's hard to keep them straight
Last shirt worn: baby blue speghetti strap
Last website visited: MySpace.com
Last im: "k cya" to Dan
Last word you said: "I'm hungry"
Last song you sang: "Cemetery Girl" - ICP
What color socks are you wearing?: I'm not wearing any sox
What's under your bed?: a whole lot of shit

--FUTURE--
Where do you want to go?: faw away from here
What is your career going to be?: something in art
Where are you going to live?: not sure yet, for now it's Atco, NJ
How many kids do you want?: not sure, but Phil wants 2, a boy and a girl
What kind of car(s): not sure

--CURRENT--
Current mood: sick, hungry
Current music: Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Current hair: short, faded green
Current clothes: blue speghetti strap shirt, black bondage pants w/ red thread
Current annoyence(s): my ear hurting
Current desktop picture: Twiztid
Current book: "Grendel" - John Gardner
Current color of toenails: blood red
Current hate: meatloaf

--UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits? biting the skin off my bottom lip
2. Are you double jointed? no
3. Can you roll your tongue? not entirely
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? sort of
5 Can you blow a spit bubble? no
6. Can you cross your eyes? yes
7. Tattoos? not yet
8. Piercings and where? 4, ears
9. Do you make your bed daily? no



-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? whatever one i grab first
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? yes lol
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? depends
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? my earrings
14. Favorite piece of clothing? my MSI hoody

-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? yes and i dont remember if i liked it or not
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry/vanilla/oreo
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? at the moment 1, Lucky Charms
19. What's your favorite beverage? Iced tea
20. What's your favorite restaurant? I used to think it was the Olive Garden, but i'm not sure anymore
21. Do you cook? yes, even went to school for it

-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? maybe once a day or something
23. Hair drying method? none
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? yes, alot, since i was 12

-- MANNERS --
25. Do you swear? yes but not eccessively
26. Do you ever spit? sometimes

-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal? i love cats
28. Food? tacos
29. Month? March, not too hot, not too cold
30. Day? Saturday
31. Favorite Cartoon Character? not sure
32. Shoe Brand? Vans
33. Subject in school? English, Art
34. Color? green and black
35. Sport? archery and paintball
36. TV show?: Gilmore Girls, Inuyasha


-- IN AND AROUND ROOM --
41. The CD player? just 3 computers in this room
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Phil
43. Ever taken a cab? no
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? yes, just a bad habit
45. What color is your bedroom? the walls are white under all the posters
46. Do you use an alarm clock? just the one on my cell
47. Window seat or aisle? never flew before

-- LA LA LAND --
48. What's your sleeping position? on my stomach, or on my right side
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? yes, weird, huh?
50. Do you snore? i dont think so
51. Do you sleepwalk? no
52. Do you talk in your sleep? no
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes
54. How about with the light on? i cant sleep with any type of light on, i need to sleep in pitch blackness
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? yes, radio
Gather all your roses, while you may
Bloody Touch
Jun. 27th, 2005 @ 04:44 pm He makes me want to kill myself...
Please don't leave me here : depressed
Why must I die? Why must I die for you? : "Kill Yourself" - Mindless Self Indulgence
I have a very serious personal problem that I need to bring up...

On Saturday, Phil and I were arguing in his room and to help calm things down I was going to get up and sit in the livingroom to give us both time to think about things. As I got up he grabbed my leg and I fell, but when I fell my arm landed under the weight of my body onto his throat, I didn't mean it at all, but he thought I did. Within a split second of falling, I found myself pushed off of him, shoved against his bed, and blacking out from his hands and all of his strength around my neck. I broke out in tears, not from his choking, but from the look in his eyes...it terrified me greatly...it was as though he really wanted to kill me.

I've been dealing with this sort of thing for a little while, not nearly as bad. It's usually just grabbing my wrists, slapping my face, he split open my lip once, then there's so much verbal abuse...I fear him greatly.

It never used to be like this at all. We never used to argue and fight all of the time. We used to get along and have almost everything in common. He used to be so sweet and loving to me. He used to make me so happy. I used to like talking to him, now I just try not to say much at all. He's just jealous and really over protective. I'm afraid to break up with him, I've tried to before and he just tells me 'no.' I really fear that if I say we're over and then not take any of his calls and refuse to see him that he'll become a stalker-type, maybe even try to hurt or kill me because of it. I just need to know, Is this something I brought on myself? Did I turn him into this? Can anyone help me make things better?

Please, if you can help me at all, ir you can give me any advice, I'd really appreciate it right now.

Sincerely,
Jess
Gather all your roses, while you may
Bloody Touch
Jun. 5th, 2005 @ 12:43 am I WATCHED YOU CHANGE!!!!
Please don't leave me here : tired
Why must I die? Why must I die for you? : "Tight" - Mindless Self Indulgence
Well, alot can happen in such a short time...

Phil was in a car accident and since then, he hasn't been the same, he wasn't injured physically, but mentally he's just damaged goods. I've been desperately trying to deal with it and just take it all in, but at times, it's been extremely difficult. I hope he recovers sooner than later. I love my baby very much and I fear he'll never be the same.

I've come to terms with myself and that I'm not looking as good as I once did. So, this summer I've decided to (literally) work my ass off, as well as the rest of the fat I've found over the past 2 years. With that being said, I've been forced to think about my miscarriage. Even though it was about 8 months ago, it still haunts me. I could have been a mother by now. I'd most likely have had a 3 month old child. I still cry myself to sleep over it, I don't know how I can ever move on and get over this. I'm thinking of getting a membership with Curves for Women, I hear good things about there weight loss programs there. I've also started using new facial products to clear up my face and I've finally found a color for my hair that suits me the best...GREEN!!! I'll hopefully be able to post some pix soon.

My job is still going great, I'm currently looking for a second job, a day job for the summer. Any ideas?

Well, that's my update for now...

-Spyke-
Gather all your roses, while you may
Bloody Touch